


Omission For Funsies

by PredictableDisaster



Series: Royal Straight Flush [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23877160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PredictableDisaster/pseuds/PredictableDisaster
Summary: The mystery of who "Kitkat" and "My light" has been circulating the office ever since Dave and Rose arrived into the company.Bets are made and theories are formed. A change of clothes and impromptu feast is not how they thought they would crack the case, but at least they found out.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: Royal Straight Flush [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722910
Comments: 5
Kudos: 112





	Omission For Funsies

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about record companies so go ahead and make fun of me

Dave Strider was a rapper with undeniable potential. The company was lucky to get him and they watched as he steadily climbed in popularity with every new song. He was very friendly and easily brought a certain cheer in the office everyday. Despite always filling the space with chatter, there was only so few personal things that one could learn about him. The two things they were sure of was that; he was very sensitive to light due to albinism so he needed to wear his aviators all the time and he has been married to his long time boyfriend for two years and was living with him, his sister and her wife ever since graduating from college.

The same could be said for the mysterious Rose "just Rose, thank you" who started working as Dave's representative. She never told anyone her last name, going as far as asking HR and their boss to keep it a secret. She spoke as much as Dave, though with much more elegance and care in choosing her words. All they knew of her was that she married her high school sweetheart before college and has been living with her and a couple other roommates for quite some time now.

Nobody knew who their respective spouses were, nor the mysterious sister and roommates. Though Dave insists that they've met his sister multiple times.

A betting pool has grown among some of the staff about both the identity of Dave's husband and Rose. Terezi says that Dave's sister is actually one of the staff, the reason they never noticed is because Dave took his husband's last name and his sister wouldn't share his last name anymore. Vriska insists that Rose is some spy from a different company, seducing Dave slowly but surely to leave the record label. John says their respective spouses are actually big names and they want to keep the secret of their identity to avoid paparazzi. Jade thinks Dave and Rose are actually in a healthy polyamorous relationship with their respective spouses and roommates and would just prefer to keep it to themselves seeing as this isn't a very popular arrangement. All they had were baseless speculations and assumptions and they often ran wild with their imaginations.

Jade was the first to hear more about the mystery people. She was asked to call for Dave when she heard a muffled conversation in one of the recording booths. She knocked quickly and slipped inside, seeing Dave talking on the phone with, presumably, his husband.

"Yeah, babe I'll- Oh. Hey Jade." She just smiles at him and nods towards the door. "Oh, one sec I'll be there. Hey, Jade, say hi to my husband." He pulled the phone away from him and held it towards her direction.

"Hey Dave's husband! I'm Jade!" A muffled voice came through the speaker, too soft for her to know anything.

He placed it back to his ear immediately and smiled wider at something his husband said. "He says 'hi' and that I shouldn't just randomly shove my phone towards other people." He nods at her, something they've learned he does in lieu of a wink. "M'kay babe, I should get goin'. Yeah I'll tell her though she probably knows because of Kankan. See you at home Kitkat, love ya." He hangs up then and follows Jade out. Before she could even interrogate him about it he's already launching into a long winded description of his plans for his new songs.

The next time someone heard anything about them was when Vriska was helping Rose through some papers for legal. Rose excused herself to the bathroom and had forgotten to bring her phone along. Vriska didn't notice until it started vibrating. A contact named as "My Light" came into screen along with a preview of the message.

Hello my lovely beautiful wife Karkat wanted to know what you wanted to eat tonight

Oh god they were _disgustingly_ sweet. Not something she had expected from the woman who commonly wore dark clothing and make-up and made too many morbid jokes.

Also, are you still busy? I was wondering if you could come home early to continue where we left off

And shameless it seemed. Damn. It was a minute or two before another text came in.

I assume that you are not near your phone at the moment which is a shame nevertheless I shall await your presence back at home with baited breath

Oh fucking hell they were like some sort of lesbian soap drama couple. Vriska wanted to see more, but Rose came back soon after the text and resumed her spot next to her. She made many jabs about Rose suddenly going through their work as quickly as she could but got nothing more than vague smiles and cryptic answers.

The third time was when John was talking to Rose about a new game he had found interest in. Dave walked in with an intricately stitched sweater that John has never seen him wear. Rose tilted her head at it and hummed. "Interesting sweater, David."

"Thanks Rosalind, my sister made it."

No one knew if those were their actual birth names but they always called each other by that.

"Woah, wait that's handmade?" John got closer to inspect it. The detail was insane and the quality would make you think it was made by a master. "Dude, it's almost exactly like Chris Evans' in _Knives Out_! That stuff's not easy to make!"

Dave grimaces slightly at that and shrugs. "I sort of goaded her into making it. Apparently if you even question the ability of a flighty broad's knitting, she will take it as a challenge and go above and fucking beyond."

"Dude, your sister is amazing!"

"I'm not going to say anything about that, it'll get into her head and I won't stop hearing about it for _at least_ three months."

Rose chuckles at that. "It would still be nice to hear."

"Absolutely not, Rosalind."

The two had a quiet stare down, something they often engaged in, with Rose smirking at Dave's blank face. John clears his throat gently and says "Well! If I ever meet your sister, I'll make sure to compliment her! This stuff's insane!"

The pair only smirked at him.

After months and months of tiny hints about the mysterious "Kitkat" and "My Light", Terezi was the first one to meet them. Not that she knew it at the time. She was on her way up to the office after Sollux gave her a ride. She heard the sound of the doors sliding open and a set of footsteps coming close, one of them stomping like it had a vendetta against the ground and the other so light you could only tell she wasn't floating because of the light taps of her heels. A gravely and rough voice, speaking much louder than they needed to, was approaching the desk while she was logging in.

"-he owes me so fucking much, I was in the middle of something and now I had to drive all the way here to bring him his fucking _jacket_."

"Now now, Karkat. You know how sensitive he is to the cold. I'm sure you don't want him getting sick. Besides, I'm also here because my forgetful wife left the lunch she specifically asked me to make for her." A much smoother and gentler voice soothed, they spoke in a much more controlled volume and Terezi was infinitely glad for that.

"I assume she's going to get an earful too?"

A laugh then "Oh definitely, just not in public. Excuse me." She heard the footsteps stop next to her along with a light tap to her shoulder. She turned her head to where she assumed they were and hummed in question. "Do you know where we can leave these objects? It's for my wife and his husband." Tavros must not be at the desk, now that she thinks about it she didn't hear his nervous but happy greeting when she came in, or else they would have directed their questions to him.

"Just leave them by this desk. You should probably write down who they're for to make sure it gets to them." She waves her hand around vaguely. "Tavros, the dude usually by the desk, should be back soon so don't worry."

"Thank you very much." Terezi nodded at them and smiled as kindly as she could. She made her way to the elevator and only half listened to whatever conversation the two were having before she left.

With new information, their theories and speculations became either more domestic or wildly improbable. They only finally met them a few hours before a pretty important meeting that would decide the direction of Dave's career. Dave and Rose were in the break room when a power socket decided to sizzle and pop. The resulting smoke didn't trigger the fire alarm but it did activate the sprinklers in the room. The two trudged into the office asking if anyone had clothes they could borrow that would make them look slightly presentable. The only clothes they could scrounge up were either too large or too tight on both of them.

With a deep sigh, Rose pulled out her phone and called her wife to ask her to bring them some clothes. About an hour later, two people arrived in the office. One of them, tall and elegant in both her movements and appearance, holding several hangers of clothes and the other, short and rough form his movements to his manners, holding onto a couple of boxes and several tupperwares.

"Hello my light," Rose greeted with a smile, sitting in the back of the couch with Dave. "Thank you for coming on such a short notice but I do remember asking for only one change of clothes."

"Yeah Kan, we're not showing up for the red carpet. It's just a meeting." Dave added.

The woman, probably Rose's wife, clicked her tongue twice and approached the pair. With one look from her, Rose and Dave stood from the couch obediently. "Nonsense, a set of fine clothes will always make better impressions."

"And we both fucking know that neither of you ate and you'd probably forget to eat 'till you got home so we bought food for you and your officemates." The short man placed the boxes and tupperwares he was holding on the free table in the room. He opened up the boxes to reveal all sorts of pastries and pulled out two tupperwares covered with scrawled doodles from his bag. "God fucking knows that you siblings don't know how to take care of yourselves without me and Kanaya."

John, marveling at the food on the table along with the others, choked and looked at the two of them. "You're siblings!?"

"Fucking- Again!? You two do this all the fucking time who gave up their last name this time? Was it you Lalonde?"

As if by instinct, Rose replied "It's Maryam-Lalonde, Mr. Vantas," before shrinking from the look given by the other woman. Oh yeah. She was _definitely_ her wife. That was the kind of look reserved by people for their partners when they were misbehaving. Rose and Dave gave sheepish smiles and wandered to separate rooms to change into the clothes given to them.

"Wait," Jade mumbled, pulling up her phone and doing a quick google search. "Oh my fucking god, I knew Rose looked familiar!" She showed her phone to everyone, a picture of Rose on her screen. "She's that famous writer that Tavros loves so much! No wonder he's more nervous than usual around her!"

"Vantas?" Terezi asked, a smile growing larger and larger on her face. "Like Karkat Vantas? Human rights activist extraordinaire? Helped so many cases of mistaken arrests and solved disputes between companies and their employees? _That_ Karkat Vantas?"

The man, Karkat, or Kitkat as they've been calling him for so long huffs in a vague sound of reluctant agreement. "Yeah and before any of you even say it, yes Rose's wife is Kanaya Maryam -fashionista, designer, blah blah blah."

Kanaya nodded at them with a smile, carefully placing the unused clothes on the back of the couch. "As their spouses, we're sorry they were being cryptic and cagey about their personal relations. It is not out of shame about us but more..." She trails off looking at the door her wife disappeared to fondly.

"It's because they're both fucking idiots that love making things more complicated than they have to be." Karkat complained. He didn't really look angry about it, more fond exasperation than anything else.

"'Mystery is the spice of life' and all that, babe." Dave says.

"It's 'variety is the spice of life' brother dear." Rose counters.

The pair came out of their respective rooms in clothes that were obviously made by a designer who has worked with big names multiple times. Karkat immediately shoved the tupperwares he took from his bag at them and, in less gentle terms, told them to sit down and eat.

Chastised and remembering that they had a meeting to attend, the pair sat on the couch and proceeded to scarf down their food. Without much prodding, the rest of the office joined them and thanked the pair for the food they bought. Karkat and Kanaya politely answered the multitude of questions that's been burning at the backs of their minds for so long, throwing very pointed looks at their respective spouses every now and again when something ridiculous was asked or when the two tried to chime in. Soon enough, the siblings had to go to their meeting. Despite the others' offer to let them stay until the pair came back, they excused themselves. They apologized for their spouses again then left the room with them.

For a moment, the rest of them just sat around the table staring at the door. Eventually, Terezi pipes up with "Damn. I didn't think me and John got it right on our first try. Pay up bitches."


End file.
